Selected excerpt from my own writings...

The Necessity of Cruelty

It strikes me sometimes that I am self-involved.

Animal instinct dictates survival.

Jude was a paragon of this ideal. When his need of me was ended, I was discarded. Like when a wolf has finished eating the flesh of his prey, I am the bones that remain behind to tell the tale of slaughter.

Are humans so far removed from animals as we believe? In one manner I think we do. An animal, when endangered, will defend itself. Or its young. A mate as well. I was not able to defend myself from Jude. I could not see what was to occur. But beyond what Jude has done to me, I now find myself compelled to do the same.

Even more, I feel it is justified. What makes a person feel that they can do the same, or worse than what was done to them? Is cruelty a necessity of humanity? Must I go now in search of another person to hurt, because of what was done to me? So they too can hurt others in turn.

I know that being hurt does not justify hurting others, but I feel drawn to do the same as what I perceive other are doing. To hurt them, as I was once hurt. To diregard their person, their feelings, thoughts, their very self for my goals, my needs.

Perhaps this behaviour makes us lower than animals. At least they can live in some form that coexists with others. A predator does not destry all life for no reason other than its own inclinations. They are driven to destroy, but not out of malice.

I feel like a sullen child, hitting another because they wouldn't play with me. It seems almost humourous that as an adult I am no better than a spoiled child, or worse than an animal.

How is it we have this inherent darkness in us?

To be continued....